Lost and Found
by Becky136
Summary: When you become lost in yourself, how far do you go to try and be found? iIn this world of colours that fly by every second, it's easy to get lost in the background. /i A Tokio Hotel story :
1. Chapter 1

I sit on the cold bench, my breath freezing, almost before it escapes from my lips. The cold sinks through to my bones, numbing my very soul. The clouds blanket the sun, as the fog in my mind blankets my pain. As long as I don't think about, there is nothing there. As long as I don't think about it, I can't be hurt by life.

The city moves faster than lightening around me; a blur of colours. I don't know where I'm going, I no longer know who I am. The accident took that all away from me. Without my family, I am nothing.

My heart throbs in my throat and I will myself not to cry. Crying won't help anything anymore. Crying will just make me weak. It will make the walls I have built up crack and break. I need them here with me; I'm so lost without them. Why did they have to go out that night? Why hadn't I gone with them?

The world is a cruel place. My life has come to a standstill, but nobody seems to care. I am all alone. Everyone buzzes around me, as though I am invisible to them. I can be screaming at the top of my lungs, but nobody notices. I could disappear, and nobody would come looking for me. Hell, I'm already so lost. I have become the master of hide-and-seek.

**XXX**

_"Sweetheart, we will be back in a bit." Mom called up the stairs._

I quickly ran down and gave her a hug before turning and hugging my older brother, "Good luck! I have no doubt you will come back with a blackbelt!"

"Thanks lil sis!" He ruffled my hair, completely ruining it as usual. "I'll be home to kick your butt tonight, so you best prepare!"

I laughed as my dad hugged me tightly. "Love you princess. Behave while we are gone."

"I will dad, as always," I smirked at my old man and he rolled his eyes. "Drive safe!" 

The last time I saw my family alive. They drove off in the rain and I just stood there and waved. I didn't ask them to wait until the roads got better, I didn't ask to go. If only i had, maybe they wouldn't have lost control through the curves. Maybe they wouldn't have hydro-planed into the oncoming traffic. Maybe, just maybe, they wouldn't have collided with that semi.

I feel my body shake with tears that finally pore from my eyes. They leave tracks of black down my cheeks. A little boy stares at me in wondering. I can't even muster a smile for him. All I know is my heart shattering over again as the walls I have built crumble. With shaking fingers I pull a cigarette out of the carton and light up.

I exhale the blue smoke and feel my shaking slowly subside. I know I will forever hold this pain that controls my body. There is no way around it, nowhere to hide from it. It is really the only thing that can find me in a matter of seconds. I am never truly lost to the pain, I am always found.  
**XXX**

I continue to walk through the busy street of New York. They never stopped moving. I watched as the people run by as the clouds part and it begins to rain. For once, things slow down and the world becomes grey. I stand out as I sit in the downpour, becoming soaked to the bone. When things are finally the colour you know, you realize that in this world of colours that fly by every second, it's easy to get lost in the background.


	2. Breathing

**Breathing**

**~Jason DeRulo~**

Slowly I walk home. The rain hits my face harshly, washing away my tears. My arms itch as the wet fabric sticks to them. Yet I walk slowly, letting my body soak. I am so lost in my own little world, I don't notice the hail begin. It bounces of the pavement and vehicles harshly. I can't find it in my body to care amongst all of the sadness and regret.

I continue to walk the empty streets. This is the deadest the city that never sleeps will ever be. I flinch as the hail size grows. _'Hmm,' _I think to myself, _'this is the biggest storm in years'_. Yet the thought doesn't really even reach my aware thoughts. All I am aware of is my pain for the loss of my family and all those that should be there for me.

"_I'm sorry," my boyfriend, Sean, murmurs. "I just can't do this." _

_He brushes back my hair from my face. "Sean," I sob._

_He gently pushes a finger to my lips. "I'm sorry; you were his sister and he was my best friend. I just can't handle it right now."_

_I watched as he walked away from me, unable to call him back. My voice became lost. He was the last person I could trust._

I am so lost in thoughts, I don't notice the hand wrap around me and pull me under the stoop of a small coffee shop. There, a group of men stand with umbrellas and papers held over their heads. I stand there, feeling extremely awkward. I begin to shiver as my body starts to realize just how soaked my clothing has become. I feel the numbness that overpowers my senses slowly ebb away and become replaced with numbness from the cold. I am subconsciously aware of my teeth chattering loudly. I catch my reflection in the window and I see my makeup running down my face. My cheeks are stained with black and my green eyes appear so brightly, even I am shocked. I look at my unfamiliar face in wonder, inspecting myself.

"Excuse me," a gentle hand on my shoulder makes me jump.

I turn and come face to face with the most gorgeous deep-chocolate eyes. "Yes?" I mumble, staring at my shoes.

"Are you alright?" The voice has a heavy accent, though it's really not all that deep.

My teeth chatter so hard I can barely say my next words. "I am fine."

I turn my back to the men, afraid to speak to anyone for too long. I have been left by so many, I can't take any more! "Miss," the voice is soft, "Please come inside?"

I turn to find the men gone, one left holding the door open. Slowly I scan the tall man's body. He has to be at lease six foot two. His black hair had been styled before the storm, though it's hard to tell exactly how. His chocolate eyes are rimmed with a thin amount of black eye-liner. He has tattoos on his arms, and as I let my eyes wander I see a tattoo peeking from under his leather jacket. His appearance is so eccentric and different, not like anyone I had ever hung out with before. Slowly I let my eyes wander to look at his hands. They are covered in rings. Eventually I look back up at the man's face and blush. He is staring back at me.

"Sorry," I feel the heat rising into my face. I quickly walk through the door, once again staring at my wet canvas shoes. I feel those long fingers grasp around my hand and slow down.

"You are freezing," the man shrugs out of his jacket and before I can object, it is placed around my shoulders. He smells delicious and I feel surprised as I feel myself slowly getting drawn to the foreign man.

I look at him and send a weary smile, "Thank you."

His smile is so bright and it lights up his eyes. "I am Bill. You are... ?"

"Brittany," I smile back, surprising myself.

"Well Brittany, come meet my friends." Bill leads me towards the group of men sitting in the corner of the café. He points to each man around the table. "This is David, Georg, Gustav, Tobi, and my twin, Tom."

I stare at the man who is supposedly Bill's twin. He has black cornrows and a lip piercing. His ears are also being slightly stretched. The only thing that makes them look anywhere near similar is their gorgeous eyes. Tom sees me staring at him and licks his lips. "Hello."

His voice is so deep is makes me jump. "Hi," I squeak out.

He chuckles and winks at me, making me blush even deeper. "Tom," Bill rolls his eyes. "Stop bugging the poor girl!"

Bill sits down and pulls me in beside him. His leg brushes against mine and I feel a shock try to get through the walls I have built up. I notice that his fingers have black polish on them and it makes me curious. Who are these boys? They don't look like the kind of group one would find hanging out together on a daily basis. The one named Georg has long, brown hair pulled into a pony tail and the one named Gustav has short light-brown hair and black glasses. David seems to be a few years older than the others and seems very sporty.

I am pulled out of my thoughts by Bill once again. "Are you from here?"

Slowly I nod and Tom grins. "We are from Germany," he points to the rest of the guys and himself. "We bought a loft here."

I shiver again and pull Bill's jacket tighter around myself. Georg leans closer to me, "Does it always storm like this here?" He asks with a frown.

"No, this is the biggest storm I have seen in years." I answer and he smiles at me. _'These boys are gorgeous!'_ I think to myself.

"Oh good!" Bill claps his hands excitedly and then looks at David. "I told you it wasn't a useless investment! I'm always right!"

I can't help the little giggle that slips up my throat and out of my lips. I quickly cover my lips with my hand, instantly feeling guilty. Here I am, laughing with completely gorgeous strangers when everyone else I know is no longer here with me. Pain fills my chest again and I remember why I am cold.

"I'm sorry," I mumble, "I have to go." I get up and shrug out of the leather jacket. My clothes stick to my body and I am aware of Tom's eyes taking in my body. I fumble, trying to shake the guys' hands. "Thank you Bill."

I run out of there, back into the wind and rain. I don't stop to turn back as Bill calls my name. The rain pelts me as I run down the sidewalk. I need to get away! I got too close to letting down my guard. How could I be so stupid? I don't even know those men! My heart aches when I think of how close I got to letting somebody in, to letting myself befriend someone.

I can't go home, not right now. So I walk around, letting my body absorb the rain and cold. I shiver and wish Bill was with me. _'Wait, where did that thought come from? I don't even know the guy!'_ Eventually I wander home and stare at the for sale sign for a few minutes. I don't know if it's the right thing to do, but the house is just empty. The only thing it holds is dead hopes and dreams of my family.

Slowly I let myself in. As I do every day, I wander the house. I still haven't been able to convince myself to go through my parents' or brother's room. Their doors have remained shut tightly since they passed away two months ago. I walk into the kitchen to find my dirty dishes from the last week stacked up in the sink. I sigh and continue walking through until I reach the bathroom.

I turn on the hot water and fill the bath. Slowly, I sink into the steaming tub and let my thoughts wander. Those men couldn't be too much older than I am; and their accents! I wonder why they are in America. It's unusual for a bunch of men to leave their country and buy a house in another country together, isn't it?

**Author's Notes:**

**So... I think DeAndre from American Idol this season looks a lot like Tom and Bill... like in the face! :P and his hair reminds me of how Tom's would be without dreads/cornrows!**

**Anywho... chapter 2! Let me know what you think! :) ideas on where you think the story should go are welcomed ;)**

**I don't know or own the boys... unfortunately :P**

**~BECKY~**


	3. No Place Like Home

**No Place Like Home**

**~Marianas Trench~**

When I wake up, the water has cooled off and my body is covered in goose bumps. I fumble for my phone and realize it's three am! It's the longest I have slept without nightmares since the funeral. Today marks two months since their accident. Slowly I get out of the tub, stretching out my stiff joints an shivering. I wrap a towel around my body and walk slowly to my bed. I sit down and put my head in my hands. I can't stop the tears of sorrow from pouring from my eyes.

I can't sleep, so I get up and take a deep breath. Maybe it's time to start going through the bedrooms I haven't touched. I start in my parents' room. I walk over to the bed and run a hand over the duvet. It still smells like them and it overwhelms me. I open the closet and slowly run my hands over their clothes. I sink to the floor and wrap some clothes around me, just breathing in my parents' scent.

Eventually I stand and make my way to my mother's makeup table. Her foundation cap is still off, just like she left it in her rush that night. I gently grab it and replace the cap before placing it back where it was. Daddy's cologne still sits on the night table, waiting for him to come out of the shower and get ready for the day. I crawl under the covers in their bed and lay down, remembering them, picturing their faces in my mind. I remember how I used to crawl between them in this very bed when I was little and had a nightmare. They would hold me close and tell me everything would be alright. Now it is empty and cold. There is nobody to tell me things will be ok.

I lay in their bed, staring at the ceiling until my eyes begin to water. Sleep is completely lost and I lay for a few more minutes. Finally I stand, running my hand over the covers to smooth them once again. "I miss you guys," I whisper.

Moving as to not make a whisper, I begin to get dressed for the day. Work will drag on and I know it. I pack my uniform into my backpack and quickly let myself out. The sun is barely cracking the horizon, but the city is as bright as mid-day. There are a few vehicles driving through this area of town and I begin to walk. My breath appears is small puffs, it's almost too cold for the sweater I am wearing. I meet a young man walking two dogs. He smiles at me, but I can't bring myself to meet his eyes as I send a small smile back. He looked to be the same age as my brother would have been. I keep walking, not paying attention to those around me. Their faces blur as the day comes to a start for everybody else.

Before long, it is time to head to work. "Hi Jack!" I call as I walk into the café.

"Hello there, Britt." The young man calls from one of the booths. The café is mostly empty, as it will be until eight o'clock. I run to the bathroom and quickly change into my black dress pants and white shirt. As I walk out Jack is starting a fresh pot of coffee. "How goes it kiddo?"

I shrug, "The usual."

"So no sleep?" His eyes hold concern for me. I nod and he gives me a sympathetic smile before chuckling, "try not to burn yourself on the burner today, yea?"

I laugh as well. "I'll try not to boss!"

Our banter is cut off as the morning rush begins. Business men and women in their suits run in, talking on their cellphones and order their drinks. Our newbie is running the till and I am trying to keep everything straight. If we run behind, we lose business. People often brag that Jack's Coffee Shop is the best one for blocks. I pride myself for being an employee and I want to do my best work for my boss. He has been with me through it all and we have a mutual understanding. He had lost his parents at a young age as well.

After a solid two hours of running around, the rush is over. Jack, Stacy, and I all flop down at the table in front of the counter. "Oh. My. God." Stacy rubs her hands over her face.

"I know," I smile kindly at her, "it can be a little overwhelming at first!"

"You get used to it; hang in their." Jack smiles kindly and it lights up his blue eyes.

"How long is the break?" Stacy gives a weak chuckle.

Jack pulls out a deck of cards. "Well, we never really know. But for now, do you know how to play crib?"

I take my cue and get up to grab the worn-out cribbage board. Since Jack has taught me how to play, it has become a daily ritual at work. I can now count my points mentally withing the first twenty seconds of being dealt my hand. I am excited to teach Stacy and have a new opponent. We play crib for two hours, with only two customers. In the mornings, everyone knows about Jack's Coffee Shop. After that, it become so deserted it's like a morgue. It is so small, not many besides those that work around here know of the place. We never get celebrities or even many teenagers.

Our next rush occurs at noon and Stacy is already getting the hang of things. I feel way more comfortable than I had in the morning. As we are all more relaxed, we joke around while completing orders.

"Hey Britt," Jack calls, "That guy wants to eat your muffin!"

I turn beat red as I hand the older business man his blueberry muffin. As he leaves I turn and burst into laughter. "You are such a pervert!"

I absorb the feelings of everyone that enters the café. This is the only place I feel at home; the only place I truly feel happy. After the lunch rush dies out I grab my backpack and take out my soup in a cup. After it is warm I raise my mug to let Jack and Stacy know I am eating my lunch. They nod and I slip into my usual chair and sip at my soup. I burn my tongue and my eyes water. When I look up I see the dark-haired gorgeous man from yesterday walk into the café. I feel my breath catch in my throat as I look at him from under my bangs. Today, his hair is contained by a black cap and he isn't wearing any makeup. His appearance is breathtaking and I find myself staring. The other guys walk in and I look away, my cheeks a bright crimson.

I hear Stacy stutter, "H-h-hello. W-w-what c-can I g-get you?"

A deep voice with an accent speaks up. "Well, if I could have one of you, I'm sure I'd be satisfied."

I hear skin connecting with fabric and the deeper voice cry out. "Well," the higher voice speaks, "don't be such a pervert and it wouldn't happen! We will get three large coffees with two cream and two sugar, one medium coffee with three cream and three sugar, and two large straight black coffee please."

"Britt!" Stacy calls me and I look over, the blush still evident in my face. "Help?" She squeaks.

I brush past the tall men and feel their eyes on me. I turn and watch as they walk back to a table. I quickly gather their order and set the glasses on a tray. With one arm I carry the tray over to the table and set it down. "Brittany," Bill speaks first.

"Hello," I mumble, "are you needing anything else?"

"No, danke. This is great." He sends me one of his bright smiles and I can't help the blush that creeps up my cheeks. "You work here?"

The dark-haired boy, Georg I think, smacks the back of Bill's head. "Of course she does, dummy."

It was the gorgeous man's turn to blush. "I am sorry, it was a stupid question. Forgive me?" I nod and he continues with a smile. "You ran out of the other coffee shop quickly yesterday, we never really got to say goodbye. I thought I would never cross paths with you again."

I smile and actual smile. He is too much of a bubbly person to not truly smile at him. "I'm sorry, I was in a hurry."

"Well maybe I could get your number?" His accent is making my heart melt into a puddle on the floor. He could be a serial rapist for all I know, and I am writing my number on a napkin for him.

"I'm sorry, I have to get back to work." I say after a quick glance at the clock.

"No problem," the men all smile at me.

"I will talk to you later." Bill is all smiles and his brown eyes light up.

I walk to the back of the café with a silly grin on my face. Stacy is waiting for me when I get back there. "You do know what you just did, right?"

I look a her with worry on my face. "What?"

"You just captured Bill Kaulitz' eye!"

"I'm sorry, who?" I ask, still completely confused.

"Bill Kaulitz, you know, gorgeous lead singer of Tokio Hotel?" At my look of confusion she stares at me with a gaping mouth. "Are you deprived?"

"I-" I am completely lost for words as she disappears into the closet.

"Found it!" She shouts and comes back with her Ipod. She pops one of the earbuds into my ear and turns on a song called _Zoom into Me_. I feel my walls shake as the song plays and my heart throbs in my throat. When the song is over she looks at me and smiles, "That, is Bill Kaulitz and Tokio Hotel."

I cough a few time, trying to rid of the lump in my throat. "Are they real big?"

"Are they big?" Stacy laughs. "I think you have been living under a rock. They have been big in Germany for years and are owning the music charts here in the States right now!"

"Oh," is all I can say.

"And you Britt, are one lucky girl!" Stacy's eyes are gleaming with excitement and her voice is raised an octave. "Bill doesn't flirt with anyone, he is a romantic."

I feel the damn blush creep up my neck again. I gather my long blonde hair in my hands twirl it into a bun, one of my habits when I am stressed or nervous. So I seem to have caught myself a rock-star unwillingly. I don't know if I can even wrap my mind around the thought. Lately, things seem to fly over my head. I keep twirling my hair, lost in thought. It's not until Jack calls me back for the evening rush that I realize I have been lost in thought for forty minutes. Things could get interesting.

**Author's Notes:**

**This is a Lil longer, a bit of a birthday present for you guys since its my birthday ;) haha **

**I hope you guys are enjoying! As always, review (good/bad/suggestions) are always welcome! :)**

**This chapter could have been up sooner, but we got a major snow-storm that knocked the power out for 32 hours! But it's up and running once again! :) Enjoy!**


	4. Everybody Talks

**Everybody Talks**

**~Neon Trees~**

I am finally done work and I trudge home in the twilight. I'm so exhausted I begin to hope for a dreamless sleep. How nice it would be to be able to sleep through the entire night. After spending the morning in my parents' room, it feels as though a giant weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Sure, the hole in my heart is as wide and gaping as ever, but the edges don't feel near as raw. I feel as though I can make a little progress in my life without the edges ripping further apart. Maybe I am beginning to heal a little bit.

The thought of healing is a scary one. For the past two months, I have had nobody. I have wallowed in my sorrows with nobody there to give a rat's ass. I never would have guessed that the first person I would feel comfortable around would be a young man, let alone a _famous_ young man! I walk past a large music shop and stop abruptly. I quickly find myself walking up to the front and asking an employee to show me the way to the Tokio Hotel CDs.

I quickly find _Scream_ and _Humanoid_. As I look a little harder I come across _Schrei _and _Zimmer 483_. I quickly grab the four albums and run up to the counter. I empty my wallet onto the counter, emptying it of my tip money. The toonies and loonies roll every which way and I feel my cheeks flush. "Sorry," I mumble.

The lady flashes me a kind grin. "It's no problem. Are you a big fan?"

I shake my head, "I actually just heard of them today."

"Oh," a slight tone of surprise is evident in her voice. "Well I personally think they are amazing! I'm sure you will enjoy their music."

"Thanks!" I smile back at her and grab my bag. I walk out of the door, sending the cashier a wave over my shoulder.

I walk home quickly, excited to crack open the first CD. I literally run into my room and flop onto my bed. As my _Schrei_ CD plays in the background, I look at the album art. If the name hadn't said Tokio Hotel, I never would have recognized the twins! Sure, the other two look similar to now, but way younger. Bill, he looks unrecognizable! His short hair is spiked and he wears clothes that allow him to breath. Tom has dread-locks! I also notice that Bill has his tongue pierced, which I find incredibly sexy.

'_Damn Brittany, get your act together!' _I think to myself.

I am interrupted by my phone going off.

'_Is this Britt?'_ is the message I receive.

I smile like an idiot and reply, _'Yes :) who may this be?'_

'_It's Bill :) I hope you don't mind me texting you?'_

'_Of course not!'_ I quickly reply.

Ten minutes go by with _Ich Bin Nich' Ich_ playing in the background and I find myself humming along. I drag my lazy butt out of bed and put in _Zimmer 483_. I crank up the music and walk to the kitchen to fix myself some supper. When I return to my bed with a fresh tomato and bacon sandwich, I find another text.

'_Are you free tomorrow?'_ I have to re-read the text twelve times before I can shake my shock. My hands are shaking like the leaves in a fall breeze. I'm not to sure what he means by asking me that, and I'm too afraid to ask. I let Bill's voice wash over me, comfort me. I felt myself getting lost in the melody; I'm always losing myself to shy away from hurt. The German is so soft, as though the young man is singing straight to me, straight into my very being. It's ironic how I am letting myself be comforted by the voice of the very man that is making me fret.

I switch the CD to _Scream_. As _Don't Jump _begins playing, I feel tears gather in my eyes. I feel the way Bill's voice begs one to hold on. It feels as though he is speaking directly to me, that he is telling me not to give up. I let his lyrics wash over me, absorb me. I become so completely lost I am startled when my phone goes off again. _'Britt, did I offend you? If so, I am very sorry.'_

The sincerity behind his text and his lyrics makes my entire body shudder in sobs. This is too much, I don't know if I'm ready to be found yet. Slowly I send him back another message. _'I'm free after 2.'_

Before I know it he has replied once again. _'I'll meet you at Jack's Coffee Shop at exactly 2:05 :) see you tomorrow!'_

I smile softly at the smiley face he has added. Bill isn't like most people I know, which is good. I am no longer the person I used to be, nor do I fit in with the people I used to know. This is new for me, and terrifying. I don't know how to socialize anymore. The most social interaction I have had since the accident has been the week of the funeral, and the people I sell coffee to at the café. I don't know how to date men who have women chasing after them every second of every day. _'Don't get carried away!'_ I mentally yell at myself _'You don't even know if this is a DATE!'_

I flop face-first into my pillow with Bill's voice crooning away in the background. I fall asleep thinking of this interesting foreign man. I don't know where this is going to go, but for the first time in two months, I don't care. I am willing to let myself be found, if only for a little while. Even the masters of hide-and-seek needs a break every now and then.

**XXX**

I awake to my alarm clock buzzing in my ear. The annoying buzz makes me want to scream at the world and I pull a pillow over my head. Slowly it dawns on me I actually slept until my alarm clock went off. This shakes me out of my stupor and grumpy mood. Bill's voice is still playing softly in the background as I get out of bed. I open up my final CD and put it in. The music in _Humanoid_ is different than the music from the previous three CDs. I find myself swaying my hips as I get ready for my next shift at the café. My poor stereo is going to die from exhaustion if I keep this whole music thing up. It is so used to collecting dust in the past couple months, I begin to worry for its life. Without my newfound love in Tokio Hotel to listen to, I may have a breakdown.

As I am about to head out the door, I remember that I am meeting Bill at the end of my shift. I quickly stuff a pair of black skinny jeans and a faded black band shirt into my backpack. I walk to work, smiling at those who walked past me. For the first time in months, I feel free. Yes, I am still so lost in myself I have trouble with putting myself out there, but I am getting closer and closer to finding myself every single day.

My shift at the café is slow. It's Friday, and most of the businessmen have already taken off for the weekend. I go to the bathroom to brush on some mascara, apply minimal eyeliner, and wipe some lip-gloss over my plump lips. I need to make a good impression, even if it isn't a real date. Jack catches me as I look my reflection over in the window once again.

"Britt, hun, just calm down!" He rubs my shoulders for me. "Whoever this stud is that you're getting all dolled up for is, he is one lucky bugger!"

"Jack!" I blush and giggle a little, "please don't embarrass me! Isn't it enough that you know that I'm going out."

He sighs and wraps me in a hug. "Hun, I'm just glad to see you smile. Since that day, you haven't really smiled at anyone. I just want to shake the hand of this man and thank him. I may also give him a little warning." He adds the last part as an afterthought.

My laughter is cut short as I see Bill standing outside of the café, fifteen minutes early! I give an unwilling squeak and duck behind the counter. "Why is he early?" I hiss.

"Go get dressed, you're free to go for the day." Jack pulls me back to my feet while shaking his head. "You are one crazy girl Brittany."

"Thanks Jack!" I hug him tightly before running off to change. I walk outside of the café just as Bill is getting ready to come in. "Hi!"

"Hallo!" He is startled before he realizes it is me. He sends me a warm smile and surprises me by pulling me into a tight hug.

"You're early." I tease him a little and am slightly satisfied when I see him blush.

"I am sorry, I was just so excited to see you!" He chuckles a little and his laughter makes my heart melt. I am distracted by my thoughts and I feel a blush as he speaks again, trying to get through my muddled mind. "Are you ready to go?"

"Where are we going?" I look at him closely, noticing he is dressed very low key again. His face has only minimal makeup and he is wearing a hat to cover his dark hair. I want to take his hat off and run my fingers through his hair; I want to feel the silkiness. I snap myself out of my thoughts and send him a big smile.

He smiles back and I melt a little more. "I thought we could go for a walk and maybe grab a bite to eat in a bit."

"That sounds great." We walk side by side in silence for a few minutes. Eventually we are in the park that is close to my house and I turn to look at the tall man beside me again. He towers over me and I giggle to myself.

"What's so funny?" He raises his pierced eyebrow, his voice is thick with his German accent.

"Oh nothing," I shrug, still laughing a little under my breath.

"Well come down to the water!" Bill grabs my hand and pulls me to the edge of the water. We watch the ducks floating carelessly and I begin to lose myself again. I can feel the numbness creeping up from my toes. I wish I were free like them; able to go wherever, whenever. I want to be able to float away.

I flop down, not caring if the ground was dirty. I don't notice the look Bill gives me, I just pull my knees to my chest and stare at the water with empty eyes. I don't notice Bill shrugging out of his jacket, then his sweater, before replacing his jacket and laying his sweater on the ground. I don't notice him sit beside me and look out at the water as well.

After a few moments he speaks again, "What's wrong Britt?"

His voice is so soft, it takes me a few moments to realize he has spoken to me. "I'm sorry," I blush, embarrassed I have unknowingly let this man slip under my walls a little bit. "I'm not all here today."

"It's ok," he wraps his hands around mine, pulling my tightly-held body apart. I feel some of the numbness ebb and a blush rise to my cheeks. We sit there for half an hour before he breaks the silence once again. "I'm starving."

I throw my head back in laughter. He simply stares at me for a couple seconds before he joins me in laughter. "I'm sorry," I chuckle, "I just didn't expect that."

We stood and Bill pulls his hand away. I slip my hands into my hoodie pockets and Bill picks his sweater up off the ground before slinging it over his arm. We walk together, asking silly questions such as favorite colours and foods. It felt strange, getting to know another man. Sean and I had been together for two years officially before it all ended after the accident. He had been my only other boyfriend, the only man I had taken the time to get to know, to let him get to know the real me. The feeling begins to return to my limbs and it makes me a little dizzy. It's tough trying to be found when I have become so good at hiding.

We arrive at a small café, a couple blocks from Jack's place. We step in and I smile as I see all of the older couples out for their afternoon coffee. Bill grabs my hand and pulls me to the back of the café and we slide into a booth. "Have you ever been here?" He asks me.

I shake my head, "This is my first time."

At my statement it is his turn to laugh. His teeth show as he grins widely when his laughing fit is over. "Well Brittany, I am glad I could claim your _Journey_ virginity."

This makes me join him in laughter and it feels so natural that our hands join again. Before long, Bill has ordered four different desserts and two sweet steamers for us to sip on. When everything arrives, I feel my teeth ache in anticipation of the amount of sugar we are about to consume. "Bill, you are a crazy man."

He laughs and takes a huge bite of chocolate cake. He speaks around a mouthful, "I'm not crazy, just German."

This throws me into yet another fit of laughter. The guilt that tries to make its way up and ruin my day is threatening to make my heart break. I push it back as far as I can and take a sip of my vanilla steamer. "You like coffee shops, is that another German thing too?" I tease.

"Well, you know how us Europeans like our tea and everything." He jokes back.

We continue to banter for a while, finishing off all of the desserts. The sun sets and the streetlights come on before we finally decide to part ways. "Thank you for everything Bill."

"Not a problem," he gives my hand a squeeze. "I'll text or call you, okay?"

I nod and smile up at him. "I'll see you later."

He stops me, "Can I walk you home?"

"It's ok," I slowly pull away. This is not what I need right now. Nobody has come to the house in two months. "See you Bill."

**XXX**

I arrive at work the next day and hear an earsplitting scream. "You're famous!"

I stare at Stacey in shock and wonder. She is waving something around and I can't see what it is. She jumps up and down, screaming with a huge smile on her face. Her words sounds like a solid high-pitch squeal. I am tempted to plug my ears, but refrain. "I'm sorry, what?"

She stops jumping and thrust the magazine under my nose. "Look."

On the cover is a picture of Bill and I at the coffee shop, holding hands. We are laughing and eating out desserts. I feel the heat rush to my cheeks as I notice I have chocolate on my top lip. I stare at the paper, no knowing what to say.

**Authors Notes:**

**So just saying, twins are adorable, no matter what! I just watched 10 year old twins on Ellen and they are soooo cute! All i can think about is Bill and Tom as kids xP**

"**Laughter is the weapon in the war of unhappiness"- Jason Mraz**

**A long one for ya! I hope you guys enjoyed! :)**

**Any ideas/suggestions are welcomed! Even just a simple review ;) haha cookies for reviewers! 3**

**~BECKY~**


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